Today marks the 5th anniversary of losing my mom, Karen Dais (1947-2002). She died after a nearly three year battle with inflammatory breast cancer. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel her absence. And not a day goes by that I’m not reminded and inspired by her strength, courage and wisdom.
For me, losing my mom was like losing an absolute constant in life. A constant that started me out in the world and guided me through it. She was a constant that loved me more than anyone, for longer than anyone, and would do anything for me. And when I look at my own kids, I’m reassured of that. I know I am lucky to have had her in my life for 31 years – and believe me, I think of it often and feel thankful for those years. But losing my “constant”, has shifted my world a bit.
I know the grieving process pretty well and I feel that I’ve moved through it as well as any functional, normal person. Not that it ever ends; I think you just keep moving through it. Most days, I just miss her without any physical heartache at all. There are also times that it feels like a dull pain that can be easily soothed by great memories or by happiness and laughter currently in my life. As time goes by, there still remain rare moments that actually take my breath away…those in which I find myself stifling a sob…or a scream. Sometimes not really knowing which.
I thought today might be one of those. But it’s not. This morning I woke up with my wonderful husband next to me. I sent my beautiful kids off to school with hugs and kisses. And right now I’m sitting at the computer, gazing out onto an amazing, sunny spring morning while listening to the birds sing. Life is good.
And I know she’s always with me.
Yep, life is good.
12 comments:
My thoughts are with you. I send cards out to family members on the anniversary of the loss of a loved one for work and I've started sending this note with it.
Those we love are always with us.
Their laughter and their wisdom,
Their advice and thoughtfulness
Are gifts of love that are ours to keep.
May these gifts
Fill your heart with memories
That will always comfort you.
You and your whole family are in my thoughts today. I only knew your mom a short time, but I feel blessed to have met her. She was always so kind to me.
One instance that sticks out in my mind was at Jill & Leif's wedding. I was sitting and visiting with her and I commented that since we had moved to the cities, I really missed being able to hang out with Jill. And I started to tear up...she gave me a huge hug and told me she was sure Jill missed me too and that I was such a wonderful person. With all of the things going on in her life, she took the time to comfort ME. I feel kind of selfish as I look back on that story, but that's just how your mom was. Very kind, very giving...just a really great person.
So today try to remember all of those great qualities that your mom possessed and passed on to you 3 girls. She is watching over you all with the great pride that a mother feels for the greatest loves of her life.
That's so nice Kristi... thanks for sharing that story. (Although, I can't help but think she must have said that to you prior to your and Kelly's infamous wedding toast!! :-)
You are such a dear friend.
Love you!
Love you too Tammy!!
Yes, it was before the "toast". I don't know if anyone actually spoke to us after that. :)
Tammy, when I started to read your entry I just wanted to cry, but I ended it with a smile on my face. Your mom would be soooo proud of you.................
Big hug to you today. You are definitely walking in the imprints left for you by a remarkable woman!! We are all a little better because we have you in our lives.
I am so grateful to have fallen in love with such an intelligent, beautiful, caring, and wonderful woman. I'm even more grateful that you love me back.
My thoughts have been with you and your sisters today.....and many days throughout the year. I've heard a lot of stories about your mom (and you & Gina) from Jill and although I never met your mom I know from the stories that she was a very special woman. It's hard to adjust to life without that "constant" but aren't you glad that you had that constant for 31 years?!!?!! Remember that she is always with you and sometimes you just have to let out that sob or scream to feel better! I hope to meet you and your family next time you are visiting in Seattle. Until then...I'll just have to keep getting to know you through Jill's family stories! :)
Take care, Stefanie
Tammy
I too at the end of your blog was smiling for you, Gina and Jill. I feel blessed to know all three of you remarkable women. Even though I never got to meet your Mom I can see what a wonderful person she was through the three of you!
XOXO
Christie
Just stopping by to say thanks for visiting my other site (Dad Said, Mom Said). Your post on your mother's death anniversary really moved me. My kids and I have been 'vacationing' at my mom's for the last two weeks now, and after having read your post it's reminded me to let the little things go and always remember how lucky I am to be sharing my life as a mother with her.
Thanks for keeping me grounded...
Tammy, as I started to read this tears welled up in my eyes. Your Mom would be so proud of you and your family. You are a great person that I feel blessed to have met. Love you. Cindy
Ahh Bill. You made me tear up even more. How nice are was that!!!
Post a Comment