I’ve never been a “pet” person. I’ve never been an “animal of any kind” person. In fact, the thought of having a pet other than our dear, hairless, odorless, low-maintenance, amphibian Sparky, truly makes me want to reach for a couple Benadryl and head for the nearest bathroom and a hot, cleansing shower with lots of soap and a scouring pad.
My kind-hearted Maddie has been on a mission for a “soft pet you can cuddle with” and she’s been talking about getting a Chinchilla for weeks. She researched all she could and finally talked Bill into taking her to the pet store to see a real one, talk to an expert and find out how much it would cost. They came to find out that Chinchillas are not as cuddly as they appear, they require fairly large, multi-level cages, they shed, and they cost quite a bit more than what Maddie has in her piggybank.
The Chinchilla idea was nixed pretty quickly.
And then they all spotted him in a clump of other little bodies.
Actually, they tell me that he picked them out first. Like a sign from heaven. Like an epiphany. Like it was destiny.
They held him. They cuddled him. They played with him. They named him.
Meet Kevin:
And then they all ganged up on me:
Please, mom! He’s so cute.
He’s so calm!
Please!
He’s hypoallergenic…that means you would sneeze when you’re around him!
Please, mom, please!
Isn’t he cute!?!
He’s so soft and he’s got a little beard!
You would love him!
He doesn’t shed at all!
We already named him!
He really likes us!
Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…
This little tiny part of me just wanted to say “YES! I know he’s cute! Get him! Bring him home to live with us! Yes, yes, yes!”
But the other 99.999999% of me said, “Have you all lost your freakin’ minds??? Who’s going to clean up after him? Who’s going to feed him? Who’s going to let him outside in the middle of winter when the wind chill is 42 below zero? Who is going to pay for his shots and his vet bill? Who’s going to wake up at 3am to let him out? Who is going to check what’s wrong with him when he’s barking? Who’s going to buff out the claw scratch marks on our hardwood floors? Who’s going to wipe up the saliva trail on the walls? Who’s going to bend over with a baggie-covered hand and pick his crap out of the neighbor’s yard?”
And then I stopped to catch my breath before I answered my own question: “NOT ME!”
And then I proceeded to give my 9 yr olds a little lesson in microgermophobia from my own warped and slightly OCD mind– “You know that they poop and then they sit out your carpet and then you come by later and put your hand in the same place they were sitting and then you get a bunch of poop-germs on your hand and then you use that same hand to touch the door or the counter or to rub your own eye. Don't you get it?? That means dog shit eventually ends up covering your entire house…and in your eye!!!” (don’t worry readers, I’m well aware of how crazy this may sound to you…but that’s just how my mind works)
And then I ended with, “And when he pees on my carpet for the first time - I. AM. GOING. TO. FREAK. OUT.”
So, after some more pleading and a few tears, our family had decided to table this discussion. But I think that the only way I could possibly reconsider owning a dog would be following a series of allergy shots and some extensive therapy.
But he is kinda cute…
8 comments:
You're back! Good to see what you've been up to. Good luck with the dog thing, you know they're going to keep 'hounding' you until you give in, right?
Come on Tammy, you know you want him :) Everyone needs a dog. I can share my large amount of puppy knowledge with you.
I am right with you sister. But I'm quite sure that someday we will have this same conversation in our house - only with Leif - I'm sure it will be wanting a cat. But I'm going to use the same 'poop in your eye' argument there too!!
Don't give in Tammy!! I am on you side. I can't argue the "no pet" thing though since we have a cat but the dog thing.....NO WAY!!!! TOO MUCH WORK!!! Your kids are self sufficient, a dog definately IS NOT!! From one OCD person to another.......I love the "poop in the eye" thing and cats are WAYYYYYY Cleaner than dogs!!!
LOL, when I saw this I was like "OMG! She got a dog!" After reading your blog about having to shower after being over at a dog house, I was thinking you guys would have to build a guest house (for you, or the dog, I don't know?)!
Glad you decided against the chinchilla route. They are awfully cute and soft, but they're also FAST and they do require a lot of GEAR.
You know... rats are REALLY the best rodent pet. They're smart, and rarely bite. Really, it's true! When I was a kid my dad had a colony of about 80 (caged) rats living in our garage. One summer one of the momma rats wasn't feeding her babies so I took over and hand fed them, and had the nicest rat you've ever seen. Her name was Tippy cause she was all black with white tips. Is your skin crawling yet? (snicker) Sorry, I should be nicer :)
Wow, I actually thought you caved in for a minute! Don't worry - you don't need to buy a dog. Your neighbors are getting another one anyway. :)
I love his little whiskers...
First of all, what is a chinchilla? I am going to have to google it right after I finish my comment. Secondly, a colony of 80 rats? OMG!! Who is this Angela person? Lastly, I agree...dogs are a LOT of work. Right now my 9 year old is fighting the same battle with me--must be something about being 9, and I too have thus far resisted. Work Work Work and Poop Poop Poop is all I see when I think of owning a dog. For now, I have the "apartment living isn't condusive to a dog argument", but I too will be saving the "poop in your eye" argument for when we no longer are apartment dwellers. I have to admit "kevin" wasn't very cute in my opinion.
Oh my God!! Thank you so much for writing this!!! I feel the exact same way, and I am soooo glad that I am not the only 'meanest mom in the world'!!! I printed this post out to keep on file in case the 'pet' discussion ever comes up again at my house. I believe I have had a very similar 'rant' regarding the poop germs, except mine ends up with 'poop in your mouth'!!!! Maybe I will use both disgusting examples next time. That should get 'em!!
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