Childhood Fears

Sometimes I’m amazed at how brave my kids are. Or maybe it’s that in comparison, I was disturbingly and illogically terrified of so many things at their age. Or quite possibly, it could be that my parents let me watch way too much TV. My kids have never needed to inspect their closets or underneath their beds prior to bedtime. They have never required the closet door to be closed or their bedroom door to be open. And to my knowledge, they have no strange bedtime routines.

But during my youth, on the other hand, I was a freaky wacko. I had several very specific and very illogical fears that shaped my childhood:

Vampires: I was very wary of any strange tapping/fluttering noises against my window. There were no trees near to it – so the only explanation (if it ever were to happen) would be a bat. I even had a couple “laying in bed rules” that would help me fall asleep: 1- Always close the window (duh, to keep out bats). 2- Never lay on your back (to avoid looking like you’re lying in a coffin). 3- Keep your blankets pulled up to your chin (thereby protecting your neck and discouraging any vampires from attempting to take a bite). 4- Never let any extremities peek out from under the blankets or hang off over the edge of the bed (self explanatory).

Snakes: I remember very clearly watching a movie called “Ssssssss” while living in our old house. That means I was under the age of five. (Geeez, Dad – didn’t you monitor what I watched at such a young and impressionable age!) The movie was about a town that had a snake infestation. A bite from these snakes would turn people green with scales and they'd develop a lispy speech pattern. I went through a period of time after seeing that movie that I would sleep on piled-up pillows and blankets on top of my bed. I was sure that sleeping up so high off the ground would help me avoid any snake bites leading to transformation into a “snake-person”.

Being killed by a “Psycho” while taking a shower: This fear probably saved my dad some money on our ever-high water bill. One nice thing about our shower was that it had a glass door, so as long as you didn’t close your eyes for too long, you’d probably be able to defend yourself (or at least yell for some help) if Norman Bates stepped into the room.

Demon possession: This was probably the most gripping of all my fears. Of course, this would necessitate an exorcism, which would be horrible. And we weren’t even Catholic, so who would we call?? I’m not sure which one was scarier- Exorcist or Omen. It isn’t right that a child should have to grow up during the same decade that two high-profile possession movies are released.

Poltergeists: I guess this might be along the same line as demon possession. But, unlike most people, we actually had a couple skeletons buried under our house. Yep, really. (The builders unearthed 2 pioneer children while digging our basement.) So, I was pretty sure that this would predispose us to attracting a poltergeist. I was just hoping that it would be one of those friendly/playful ones instead of the mean ones.

Today I’ve conquered most of those crazy childhood fears. I now am able to sleep on my back without obsessing about my blanket positioning and without a pile of pillows. I enjoy a leisurely shower. And luckily my in-laws are Catholic, so they’d know who to call and would be able to save me in case of demonic possession or poltergeist inhabitation. Right, Jan & Bill???